>Where can I get actually good advice?
Ask on an online forum.
>have no idea what to do
What do you want to achieve?
Asking here is somewhat pointless since I sense most of us are in the same boat as OP.
Love is dead anyway. Its only something you see in anime now. It doesn't happen in the real world. Dating apps killed it.
Doubt the replies you'll get when asking for relationship advice will be much different than asking chatGPT the same questions.
>>3576I mean, you could say this every time someone asks anything on an online forum. AI will be the death of forums. No, of society itself. Why even ask anyone anything at all when you can just chatGPT it.
The others put it more tartly than I would, but they're right. You can't use a search engine to walk you through your life. Posting to a forum is the same principle. I don't know you. I can't even begin to help you even with your personal, singular struggles, let alone your outward struggles involving more than just you. You already have everything to piece together what to do with the relationships in your life. I know it's barely anything, but it's all you're ever going to have. All we could do with you is cobble you with what you already know, that a lover needs to be a best friend, that we as humans are designed to come together, that love is giving and taking, that love is both a connection that forms itself and a duty to uphold that connection, relationships require effort and require you to be vulnerable, yak yak. Everyone knows this and reciting it is a pointless exercise. Companionship is not a given nor a right in this life. Neither is isolation. Either relationships will be formed with the people in your life or they won't. You have to be ready to adapt to either scenario. I'm sorry it has to be this way. I hope you can find good friends to keep you.
I wasn’t asking for you guys to hook me up or something. I just want to know where I can find good advice on how to dress, does and donts. Jesus you people really are useless.
>>3573What are you supposed to wear for a first date? It can’t be too formal or casual right? What’s a good location for a first date etc
>>3588ask your parents maybe, they tend to have good advice (even if it can be a bit dated) or any other adult that's married and shit
honestly i think you just have to dress how you normally do in public, maybe with cologne/perfume? you don't have to go over the top because if it lasts for even a week eventually they're gonna figure out how you usually dress lol but maybe they'll think the effort is charming
to me relationships always felt like normal friendships but with extra steps. most important thing is that you both communicate with each other what you do and don't want. that's kind of it. be nice to them, giving small gifts is the ticket to one's heart (their favourite snack, a plushie of their favourite animal, etc). don't go overboard until you know for a fact you're head over heels for them
you got this anon :]
>>3571I was also a pretty late bloomer (lost virginity in late 20s) but have been in the same relationship for almost 10 years (this summer!).
>>3588>I just want to know where I can find good advice on how to dress, does and donts.Open short-sleeved button up over a plain t-shirt (no power level revealing graphic tees) and a pair of slacks is a decent basic date outfit. If you wear sneakers make sure they aren't too beat up or dirty.
Bathe beforehand but don't use any overpowering scents, just deodorant. A lot of girls I know prefer "clean smell" combined with what their guy just smells like naturally. Shave if your beard/mustache is patchy, if it's not consider looking at grooming guides or having it professionally trimmed just to see what that looks like.
A good first date location is a cafe. Snack and coffee is cheap and if it goes well you can springboard it into other activities that day (a walk, a movie+dinner).
>>3589My father is an inmate. I don’t talk to him and my mother is unwell.
>felt like normal friendships but with extra stepsI don’t have any normal friendships so I guess this won’t go anywhere.
>>3590I’m not sure what to say or talk about over coffee.
Are there any unwritten rules for texting? I’ve never really done it before.
>>3591Any kind of "rule" about texting is dumb. I know "bee urself" is not what you want to hear, but firing off messages as they come to you with little filter is good for showing who you really are to the person you are messaging. If they don't like it they'll ghost or dip, and if they do like you for you they'll keep it up.
>I’m not sure what to say or talk about over coffee. Hobbies, shit you've read/watched/played recently, local news (less political). Ask her about these things as well.
>>3577ChatGPT is a lot nicer than most and the only better, easily accessible alternative to it is reading books. Finding someone who's faithful to intellectual honesty is too difficult.
>>3588>I wasn’t asking for you guys to hook me up or somethingthis makes me sad
>Jesus you people really are useless. well it's you fault you won't let us hook you up
>>3600Thank the God for saving you from headache and get on with your life.
is it worth trying to find a relationship online if noone irl is like you? where would one find such place :/
>>3604It's harder to find people "like you" online than it was in the past, but it is still the best option if you are a huge dork. MMOs and hobby communities are your best bet.
>>3604The relationshit rat race is a trap. Free yourself.
I wonder where I fucked up :/
>>3571Don't get it on an imageboard, you're wasting your time doing so. That's my advice.
>>3571>>3604even if you can't find love right now, it would be good to try connecting more with people that you admire. and they don't HAVE to be just like you. that would be pretty boring.
>>3607>>3612love is free…
>>3618>love is free…yeah sure man
I found this book called The Art of Seduction and read it, I think it may be useful to others but I can't say how useful it is in the real world yet :\
>>3894You read a terrible useless book.
>>3607The whole dating scene has gone to shit. Internet and technology pretty much took out a lot of reason to go out (part of shopping, eating out and entertainment) while dating apps have primed people to rate by look (when men are generally just average compared to women) + apps are botted to hell and then there is global rise in obesity, also, the social media are selling a lie of "cool and rich" life, so women are looking for guys who are doing the "cool" stuff and are rich.
Hell, when it comes to my country, going out clubbing is dying out.
There is also a thing that even older normies don't actually know how to pick up a chick or give a hint of attraction, they just happened to vibe with each other because they could naturally keep meeting each other.
Interpersonal relationships are a chaotic thing and by sanitizing everything and artificially raising standards, we ended up severely limiting our options to even start one.
When i was starting out there was this website called sosuave that had an entire section called "the donjuan bible" and it had the best dating advice for that time period circa 2008…ive used those tips to get girls in the past and they mostly work.(70 percent of the time every time).
Getting girls is a numbers game,ask enough girls and soon enough you will come across one who will be receptive to your advances.
>>3571I'm in college as well after being a hikki dropout for years, but all the advice I've seen on dating that's not just common sense seems to be geared toward hook-ups. I guess this is the dating culture nowadays. I was superficially interested in a girl at some point, which is why I even looked it up, but I honestly don't think it's worth it. I don't see why I would waste my time on a relationship that's likely to end in disappointment. I think I'll just wait until I'm old enough that having a long-term relationship in mind while dating is acceptable, and hopefully find someone who's as stupidly idealistic as me. If not, there's more to life. I'm also majoring in engineering, so I run into zero girls anyway.
>>3981>I don't see why I would waste my time on a relationship that's likely to end in disappointment. I think I'll just wait until I'm old enough that having a long-term relationship in mind while dating is acceptableNothing ventured, nothing gained. By the time you are older most worthwhile women would be married or engaged, the ones that remain would be desperate for a relationship but thats just because most of them are divorcees,single moms or crazy banshees.
You have to put yourself out there,dating is a numbers game, ask enough girls out for a date and after few rejections someone will be retarded enough to accept it. Its like fishing, you will have to accept that most women will not care for your bait or will just nibble at it and swim away. But with enough bait and perseverence you WILL catch a woman.god knows, you won't catch any fish by not trying. Nothing ventured nothing gained.
Thats it im willing to give dating advice since i like the people here and feel like i can be useful for people that need it.i dont claim to be adonis, but i have a lot of experience with females as i tardwrangle a bunch of them at my job.you can listen to my stuff and try it out for yourself and report back if it worked for you.afterall what do you have to lose??
>>3588>>3590A coffee date is the worst thing you could do to yourself.for the first few dates, your job is to close your mouth, make her laugh and touch her in a not so creepy way.what is the solution to these problems? ACTION.
Take that whore to a bowling alley, ice skate,shooting range or even biking.think of it as a GTA IV dating activity. Remember how the game would skip coffee dates or drinking dates? Its because those didn't have any gameplay(action) and were boring. But when you took them to bowling,you could play a whole game and they would usually like it.im not saying that you should take everyone bowling per se, its just an example.
Girls prefer "gameplay" and coffee dates are just boring moviegames.
As for what to dress? Fucking easy, i mean its not 2009 anymore for gods sake. Just choose a celebrity that has the same build, complexion,hair and eye color as you and follow their instagram. Copy their style.its that easy.you dont have to buy hollywood brands though,that would be stupidly expensive.just buy something ok that looks like the stuff the hollyweird actor that resembles you wears as his outfit
>>3915Youre acting shallow. Girls aren't points you can rack up, they are people.
If you have the time, browse, but do not post on, lolcow.farm, crystal.cafe, and the beauty parlor on KF. It will give you a much deeper insight into how girls think and feel. They're more similar to men than either of us want to admit, but very different at the same time.
The advice I have, as someone in a committed relationship, is the same shit as always.
Be confident, like actually. Recognize that you're valuable and worth knowing. There is no "powerleveling" when you're getting to know someone who might be a romantic partner. They have to like every part of you. If you're weirdly into Warhammer 40K, say so! The first time my girlfriend came to my house, we watched the Chris Chan documentary together.
Talk to people. Like do small talk. Do it until it feels natural.
Be open. Break down internal barriers that prevent you from feeling love and developing crushes. Allow those feelings to grow and blossom.
>>4032> If you have the time, browse, but do not post on, lolcow.farm, crystal.cafeYou are recommending reading what crazy people write? Those places are crazy cunts factories. That's like saying to a girl she should lurk wizchan to understand boys.
> They have to like every part of youBullshit and impossible. The longer you are together the more you start to annoy each other. Try living together for 5+ years. You have to be able to accept the flaws of the other person and also grant them the freedom they need and want. You pick somebody you can deal with while the good points overshadow the bad ones.
>>4032Anon when it comes to a longterm gf you are absolutely correct, honesty and true friendship can go a long way.
However not every girl is worth pursuing,some are absolute trash and others are only good for a hook up or a short term relationship(practice gf). These girls will misuse your trust and honesty. The best solution is to take "universal precautions" , treat all women the same untill they prove themselves as trustworthy. Be mysterious, reveal very little of yourself or none at all.
Also trying to understand women is akin to trying to understand martian weather patterns. Impossible. What do women want? Only god knows as even Women themselves don't really know what they want or feel at any moment. Hence the woman wishes for a nice guy but fucks the badboy that treats her like trash because thats what her dad used to be like.
>Be open. Break down internal barriers that prevent you from feeling love and developing crushes. Allow those feelings to grow and blossom.Again this is very good advice for a long term relationship. Most relationships never get that far.
>>4035
>You pick somebody you can deal with while the good points overshadow the bad ones.This should be written in gold,this is how you find a wife.
I can't help with long term relationships as i've never been married and only preach what i have used IRL. I've had long term gfs but thats very similar to a hook up.(as long as she doesnt have a ring, its not a long term relationship! If you can't trust her with a ring then its not long term even if you know each other for ten years.)
I repeat again, What i say, has been practiced by yours truly and only applies to finding a gf or just hooking up, i can't give marriage advice.
In the beginning you must focus on casual relationships or practice gfs.this is very important because you need a few practice relationships to be able to weed out the undesirables and finally find a quality woman.
Once you find a quality woman, you will have to perform periodic maintenance else your woman might leave you for john doe next door.
Finding a suitable mate consists of the following 4 phases:
Phase 1:the search , phase 2: audit, phase 3:reeling it in, phase 4: periodic maintenance.
I will explain everything when i get back home. Be warned though i dont care for social media and never use one. I mainly find my women in real life which means things are very real, the women look real and rejection will feel even worse.it's not for the faint of heart, but show courage and ye shall be rewarded! (With baloons filled with sand and sweet lemon cream pies)
>>4035>You are recommending reading what crazy people write? Those places are crazy cunts factories. That's like saying to a girl she should lurk wizchan to understand boys.False equivalence. I know, in person, several normal, well adjusted women that casually use those websites.
>Bullshit and impossible. The longer you are together the more you start to annoy each other. Try living together for 5+ years. You have to be able to accept the flaws of the other person and also grant them the freedom they need and want. Sure, I'll consneed. You're correct. "Like every part" is optimistic. You at least have to accept them. Why wouldn't you want to start on a good foot, with your full self forward? Thats why Tinder sucks, because it's this curated digital self. It has little relation to the person who makes it.
>Also trying to understand women is akin to trying to understand martian weather patterns. Impossible. What do women want? Only god knows as even Women themselves don't really know what they want or feel at any moment. Hence the woman wishes for a nice guy but fucks the badboy that treats her like trash because thats what her dad used to be like.Honestly the best advice I got on this was literally just to pick her up and twirl her around and get her snacks and whatnot when shes acting moody and strange and not talking about it.
The attractions of women are byzantine and enochian and its best to not worry about it.
>>4037>Honestly the best advice I got on this was literally just to pick her up and twirl her around and get her snacks and whatnot when shes acting moody and strange and not talking about it.I dont wanna sound like a hateful person, but this is because women never really grow up, they are stuck in this forever childhood that never really ends. They really do live in tutorial mode.
>>4038If you could get picked up and twirled around and given snacks when you're not feeling good your mood would also improve. I don't think its childish I think its human.
>>4032>If you have the time, browse, but do not post on, lolcow.farm, crystal.cafe, and the beauty parlor on KFYeah, don't do this. If you have problems talking to women browsing crystal cafe will make you never want to talk to one ever again.
>>4040The worst of them are the bitches and they think like their male equivalents.
>>4040Never been to crystal cafe before. I assume its fujoshi central or at least a female /r9k/
>>4043That anon is probably joking, i have never been to those sites but they have such a bad reputation as fujoshi/sadist central that i would never consider visiting them.
>>4036>In the beginning you must focus on casual relationships or practice gfs.this is very important because you need a few practice relationships to be able to weed out the undesirables and finally find a quality woman.>Once you find a quality woman, you will have to perform periodic maintenance else your woman might leave you for john doe next door. Sounds like a waste of time. You waste your time tolerating shitty women so you can finally *possibly* find a girl that's worth your while, and then she might cheat on you anyway? Is that what I read? Personally if I found out a potential romantic partner had dozens of "practice boyfriends" I'd be pretty disgusted, but I can imagine normalfrens doing shit like this.
Relationships are pointless. All of my close family members are divorced. All of the people I see in uni have insane relationship problems like constantly breaking up and fighting. I'd rather not deal with any of that, no thanks. Just keep my head down and soldier. That's the best advice I can give you.
>>6062Yeah starting a relationship is pretty pointless if you don't know what's the point before you start it.
>>6063Isn't this the problem? These days there's no real consensus on what a relationship is actually for, no shared moral horizon. Want to live in a gay polycule? Fine. Have an open relationship? You do you. Want to have casual hook ups with strangers? Attend sex parties? That's okay too! We used to think that removing moral constraints and the pressure of filling social roles would free people to live as they please, but in reality it has simply left people aimless, pessimistic, and depressed. I genuinely think people don't have relationships because they simply don't know what to do. There's no script to follow and that being the case, one can never excel as an actor. Relationships not only become aimless but high effort, low reward. The final cherry on the cake is the decade plus of girl boss feminism and queer theory, which all sneered at people in fairly old fashioned girl-boy relationships as stupid conformists and so, in a society where everyone want's to pull themselves up by the bootstraps and be edgy and with the 'in' crowd, fewer people choose to be in a relationship altogether. In fact, even that's the cool edgy thing now, to be an incel.
Its like the Netflix problem, so many things to choose and so many of them suck so people just keep on scrolling through and never bother picking anything. Because they never pick anything, they never develop the right skills and it becomes a self-fulfilling spiral. I'd like to say I have advice for OP but I really don't because society shifts and changes so much with its fickle trends that yesterday's good advice will end up in the garbage can tomorrow.
>>6064Society this society that, if you don't know why you need a relationship, you don't need it. If you don't know why you *want* it, do some self reflection. You're not the only living being to question the values of society and the society is not yet reduced to what social media portrays it to be, which will never happen anyway, because the way social media wants it, the society will simply collapse.
>no script to followThere was a script? You mean python or the javascript?
>>6064I think being aware of the complexity of the problem is a large contributor of that pessimism, and it's very easy to convince yourself fully into your own ideas if you search for validation online. Relationships are fundamentally pointless if they don't have anything you find valuable, or aren't worth the effort of maintaining if it comes with too many downsides.
>>3571My advice would be not to pursue it. Love is a game where the winner gets to die first.
Also, think of the girl — do you think it's fair to insert yourself into her life? She's so much better than you. She could've been a CGDCT or mahou shoujo heroine, if only some incel didn't force the romance arc.
Actually, find a 30+ woman with a son. Share your income with them, be his older bro. At least you'll be useful. There's probably a woman like that at your workplace. If you don't have a workplace with such a woman, then find one.
>>6068This post is so based that you go blind looking at it for too long.
>>6068I might just block wapchan from my hosts folder if i keep seeing shit like this here
>>6075Blame whoever moderates here for not checking in often.
>>6076The post doesn't break any of the rules here so the mods wouldn't do anything to the post.
>>6075I disagree with the post, but what did it do to you personally to make you want to block the website lul.
>>6078It's the exact kind of thing I wish not to see when I come to sites like this.
>>6078There's no point to this board if it doesn't even nurture any other culture than pointless hostility or mindsets taken straight from doomer twitter.
>>6079>>6080It was one opinion? It doesn't really need to be removed. It did not break a single rule. It's not even harboring that much negativity (apart from the incel part, but the poster was obviously joking). If you act like it's the end of the world for what it's saying, you're only proving this poster right in the end.
And at the end of the day, you really shouldn't be taking advice from any imageboard, especially about relationships.
>>6081Proving what right? There's nothing to parse in that post, there's no point that's being made. Of course it's a joke, but it's purely mean spirited. Who would want to come to /kind/ and just see that? But is it bad enough to justify ignoring the entirety of wapchan? Not really.
>>6082How is the post mean spirited? Can we stop being vague and get specific about what the actual problem is?
>>6083It's unambiguously clear that calling someone an incel after saying they're worth less than others is mean spirited. Are you going to explain what the point of the post is or was that also obviously just a joke?
>>6085There's no reason to assume it's self-deprecating. Regardless, that doesn't matter, shifting it from someone being demeaning to someone spreading their negative headspace doesn't make it better.
It's like sex deprivation, but "post" deprivation. When nobody posts for N days people are ready to jump literally any post just for the sake of ping-ponging some replies. Quite fascinating.
>>6086>There's no reason to assumeThat's crazy because you've given me no reason to assume there was any malice behind the post at all. Every post you've made against him has rested on a series of unjustified assumptions about his intent. You must expect me to accept your assertions on the basis of: "It's true because I said so, OK!?"
>someone being demeaningWho is this nebulous "someone that is being demeaned" that you keep referring to? Are they in the room with us right now? Can they give us a victim impact statement? Can they show us on the doll where the I-slur touched them? I don’t think any real person is being demeaned by making an abstract reference to a hypothetical I-word and comparing it unfavorably to CGDCT or mahou shoujo heroines.
>spreading their negative headspace doesn't make it betterNope, I'm talking about having regular self-doubt and negative thoughts rather than having an overall negative mental state. I don't think there's any good reason to believe anything is spreading.
>>6088I think what anon means is “this is a very cynical and depressing and negative and unhelpful thing to see” ITT.
>>6089I can agree that he expressed himself poorly and that might've made his post unhelpful. I'm just against the moralistic finger wagging.
>>6088I think spreading their negative headspace by demeaning others by making negative statements against a nebulous abstract concept like incels is malicious and does not require anyone to actually come up and say it's against them personally. Your post makes no sense.
>>6090It's expressed well, actually.
>>6092There's no reason to assume there is such a thing or that it is spreading. Reiterating the same smears over and over again isn’t the same as actually giving good justification for believing them. Being demeaned is experiential. Without a person experiencing being demeaned, there is no demeaning happening. Without anyone there to say they felt the post degraded their dignity, there's no good reason to believe anyone has been demeaned by the post.
By the way, are you the guy who was demeaning "doomer twitter" earlier in this thread? Post seems to be implying there's something wrong with them and that their mindsets are inferior and unwanted in some way. By your own standards and considering how vocal you are about people being demeaned, you should've called that out.
>>6080
>>6094If you take a certain definition of a word and act like it's the only interpretation possible then you can twist anything into meaning one thing only. It's demeaning because it's insulting, it doesn't matter if the mindset is literally spreading or if spreading just means posting and sharing. Doomerisms and cynical outlooks that aren't /kind/ shouldn't be encouraged.
You're dishonest and disingenious, I'm not going to reply.
>>6096It doesn’t actually matter if you try to shift the goalposts and scurry away now. Something being insulting is just as experiential. There is no "objective" insult independent of a person experiencing being insulted. Everything I said in my last post still applies to "insulting", and I could give more examples, but it seems like you’re picking up your toys and going home. It matters because the former meaning of spreading could be a problem while the latter is benign. In my opinion, it really depends on if the cynical outlook has any truth or merit to it.
>You're dishonest and disingeniousThis is very hurtful and demeaning! I just disagree with you what the hell. Incels like me just can't catch a break.
>>6104>>6104>lvmthanks for giving me ptsd
t. linuxfren
>>6103It just came off as disingenuous and taunting really
>>6097The word insulting is more of a linguistic concept that doesn't require any objective existence in order to be true, or have meaning. You can insult a non-existent thing and it will still be insulting, despite nothing actually feeling anything, or nothing having any realness besides whatever importance someone places on it. Something being insulting is not reliant on experience. If this weren't true then all fiction that has one character insult another would not be insulting, and any parody that does not have real people will also not be insulting. I'd go as far as to say you're delusional.