I've decided to stop watching anime and dramatically reduce the gaming until I eliminate it. I'm going to fill that time with poetry and some books instead. Anime and games are just soulless and depressing. I'll probably quit posting on this board.
>>5122it's time to create your own imageboard to hoist your new interests…
>>5122do you like haikus? here's one i just made…
warm fall leaves blowing,
left and right, making soft sounds
peaceful afternoon…
I've been slowly seeking an entry into the fediverse to escape the hellhole of imageboards and… so far fediverse looks like a hellhole. Instances are scarce and obscure, interfaces ugly, capabilities crippled. UI issues aside, I guess people enter imageboards in a similar way, starting from the popular and going down to "just about slow enough" but I really can't be bothered so spend years trying to enter some adequate instance. This is so hopeless for me. Everywhere is a hellhole.
>>5122That's really unfortunate, I think anime and games can be really wonderful works of art, on the level of poetry and books. Ico, Atelier Ayesha, NieR Gestalt/Automata, are all things I've enjoyed or spent as much time thinking about as the great novels I've read. If you want to include VNs I think Clannad, Muv-Luv, and Tsukihime, especially Kagetsu Tohya, were really excellent expressions of the author's feelings, I don't really consider them a separate thing just because they're not in the classic format. Gunbuster, Porco Rosso, Mahoromatic, Hakumei to Mikochi, Chuunibyou demo Koi ga Shitai are just off the top of my head, really excellent and worth thinking about deeply. If you're determined to read novels, that's fine, I like books a lot, I just think it's sad to decide that anime and videogames are somehow worse or not worth enjoying. If you're looking for something to read in no particular order just because I thought of them, I enjoy Pale Fire, The Myth of Sisyphus, The Making of the Representative for Planet 8, The Guns of August, Crime and Punishment.
>I'll probably quit posting on this board.Tell me not, (sweet,) I am unkinde,
That from the nunnerie
Of thy chaste breast and quiet minde
To warre and armes I flie.
True: a new Mistresse now I chase,
The first foe in the field;
And with a stronger faith imbrace
A sword, a horse, a shield.
Yet this inconstancy is such,
As you too shall adore;
I could not love thee, dear, so much,
Lov'd I not Honour more.
I am experiencing agony.
>>5205Yes. Been for days.
If it's all in my head then my head is world tier fucked up. It's an order of magnitude more emptiness than I can handle. I want to dissolve in nothingness.
I might be ESL, but was this thread supposed to be vent thread #2?
>>5208Actually no, it wasn't. This thread is for generic I-am-bored posting. Vents still should go into the foxie thread and philosophical revelations into that other one.
The handle for one of my pans is slanted very, very slightly. I will not be sharing any pictures.
>>5221My subjective responses are intolerable for me.
I'll try a 30 minutes power nap, then spend approximately an hour pretending to be useful, then I'll either play a game or watch a few more anime episodes. Since I have trouble sleeping, I'll also have to listen to some music before I fall asleep, though it's apparently not rocket science and may or may not work. I am writing this post because I am feeling overwhelmingly unreal and insubstantial. This post is purely informative, therefore does not fit in the Vent thread, nor in the Thoughts thread.
>>5225What games do you play?
love all friends
>>5221First post on this site frens, hi hello, don't touch me I'm sensitive
That image speaks to me in a deep way
I tried to be social, immediately caught covid, wasted a grand on the trip, and made no new friends. That was my last shot at rekindling my love for a certain chan based fandom and it went up in flames. It makes me upset that I can be surrounded in people with dakis and plushes, know the language they speak, and still feel crushingly alone.
>>5226failing's OK! take a break and recover, maybe?
>>5242why not love everything? seems… more fulfilling than just loving friends.
Aw crap. I'm having a really Autumn-ish Autumn morning. Everything is so gloomy and depressive. An interesting feeling in itself, but I'd rather lay cozily in my bed, than do all of this.
>>5258>don't touch me I'm sensitiveBut if I want to touch you in weird places really bad?
>>5258Did you know these people beforehand? Did you go to an event and expect to make friends? I'm sorry that happened. Most people I interact with who I've developed some kind of relationship with became so due to random chance, rather than me intentionally wanting anything. I think the methods involved in artificially finding friends requires a heavy dose of callousness to pull off well, if you're an introvert. That you went somewhere about a certain topic (presumably?) that you're emotionally invested in and didn't get what you expected is tough.
I've seen extremely social people develop routines and acts that they repeat or pre-emptively prepare for anyone new they meet. It's shallow but people like to have direction in their interactions.
>>5281Bad nonny. I thought this was the fren place. That's just lewd.
>>5282Three of them, I knew. Others were mostly just other con-goers. I had so many plans. I wanted to do movie nights, game nights, karaoke nights, whether related to
ponyshit
or not. Then I got sick from a room party I didn't really even have fun in, and all my previously known friends just. Ghosted me. Getting so sick ruined almost everything, I didn't realize 90%+ of the con would be waiting in lines and the other 10% would be sitting in a row of chairs surrounded by anons more interested in discord or shitposting in the thread then socializing about panels. And…the less said about my wife's panel the better.
After all this getting blocked by my closest friend out of the blue after not hearing from her in a week just set me off. Genuinely never want to engage with the fandom again. Worse, it makes me want to never interact with 4ch again, because aside from porn boards, that was all I had left to really engage with. So now I am down to one friend, maybe, hopefully, and completely alone. No social media garbage, no anons to talk to, no familiar comforts like insular game communities. I just. Exist, in a kind of safe and quiet environment. And so far I'm not enjoying that. Peace sucks.
>>5291>Bad nonny.aww aren't you a marzicutie? wanna hug!
>>5294Marzicutie?
I will have you know I'm a lifelong fatass, and am therefore well suited for hugs.
>>5295ain't it beautiful, friend?
>>5296Being fat? I mean, yeah, to me at least. What is a marzcutie though and why are you being so lovey dovey really?
don't worry about it. i thought you were from marzy because it's where i heard the word 'nonny' used the most.
>>5300>>5300>courthmm that's a beautiful substitute for "woo". anyway it's alright if it's with friends
I am exhausted, bored and apathetic. I wanted to do some studying today, but ended up running errands all day and almost didn't do anything. It's tiresome when you can't have your weekends to yourself.
>>5340Needing to always spend weekends studying or doing homework was always one of the worst parts of school. Even if you end up not doing that much studying, it's always hanging over you.
All I can do is laugh at the absurdity. When I was less educated I used to write long and bitter rants about all of this, but now that I reached a certain level of understanding, I don't have any words to describe it anymore. I don't have anything to say. Truly, you see it, you deal with it. How you deal with it doesn't matter in the slightest, only that you do, even if you're unsuccessful in the end. What you feel during the process doesn't matter either, i.e. it will influence how you deal with it of course, but it cannot change the objective, cannot change the thing you deal with.
>>5345I think how you feel about things is the central component of why you deal with it and how you deal with it. If you don't feel anything there is no reason why you would want to change any aspect of your circumstance.
yada yadaa. this is booooring. i want to be lazy all day instead of working myself off doing these boring things!!! this has to end soon or i will die!
I just want to die. I don't want to be a part of this shit anymore. Some minimal effort to end my life and I'd be free forever.
>>5359Some minimal effort and the foxie threats is just one step away, friend! Besides, if you can't deal with something, it's time to hug!
>foxie threats
Aww silly text correction, I meant "foxie thread" of course.
i'm losing my friendly mind, friends! this is so overwhelming i feel like i'm on speeds! and i can't handle any of it! it happens every time! but all i want is a pizza, a friend and a doggirl!
Does anyone think about the feelings of kindmin when they call this board r9k?
>>5407Explain the difference little friend
>>5367umm… that's pretty easy to do, actually! except the dog girl part… but, the animal crossing games has a cute dog girl you can talk with!
>>5408/r9k/ has less anime posters…
>>5425b-but friend, i am not into anthropomorphic animals!
It's the fourth day of me feeling really week and down. I literally just spend the morning doing unfun things outdoors, then went back inside somewhere around noon and just slept since. No strength at all, for anything. Even just sitting in my (terrible) chair writing this post is super hard.
And yes, that wasn't a vent. More like a blogpost. After all, the universe will end tomorrow if people don't learn I'm feeling unwell today!
>>5425I didn't really want to post in the meta thread. My home board has always been /r9k/ even if I don't visit it much anymore.
I think I should have already been fine by now, but my illness doesn't recede. I don't what I did wrong, but this is really bad. I guess it's another bed day because I really feel bad.
Haha meanwhile my dream was about having sex with a girl I liked in the past.
No fever but I still feel like I'd rather not be alive. What the hell is wrong. I don't understand what's happening.
Would be very nice to chat with someone right now. Being lonely and ill is double unfun!
I cant think of a name for my website
>>5441Its weird when you have a dream where your having sex with another boy. Disturbing. Thankfully I don’t get dreams often.
>>5446Evaluate your diet, your sleep schedule, and your hygiene.
>>5453kindandgay.org can be bought for just 8 bux on namecheap!
>>5446Unfortunately this is just a reaction to living in the 21st century. You just have to find a way through it.
Spent a nice evening playing a game, now it's very late however and I need to wake up early. Huuh. I still don't feel sleepy though. Do you have any kind music for such situations? If I remember correctly we have a music thread, so you could post it there for me to steal!
Cute girls doing cute things isn't enough. I need cute friends doing cute things.
Kissu is down and I don't know why and I have nowhere else to go!!!!!
>>5505A really suspicious coincidence after a discussion over the Aisuru botnet DDOS
The world needs more kindness and I need slightly more energy!
Hell. Name's Friend and I'm going insane
>>5534Hell is a very bad no no word, friend.
>>5534try not to stress out too much. take it slow… what's going on?
>>5535i agree, but the world's kind of a hell already…
>>5535Akhctually I wanted to say Hello.
>>5543
this is a very cute mp4 friend!
This is going to sound really stupid but I saw this amateur cosplayer and I have literally not been able to stop thinking about her. It feels like she's one of the prettiest women I've ever seen, even though her posts only seem to get a few replies.
I've seen thousands of cosplayers and women, but just seeing her vastly improves my mood, I feel utterly starstruck. It's honestly kind of bizarre and weird since I've never felt this "I really want to talk to her" way before. Logically, I know it's a cursed endeavor doomed to failure and 3DPD bad, but I can't seem to get her out of my head.
>>5545Time has come go for it friend!
>>5546I dunno what I'd even say honestly. Even if she's not super popular, they must hear stuff like that a lot, right? It's just crazy because it's the first time I've ever felt like this and I don't know why. I feel like a kid.
I fully realize that realistically I'll probably just get immediately shot down or sound like a weirdo.
>>5547Friend stop obsessing over details, the universe is 13 billion years old. Just go for it and see what happens!
>>5550Remove the alcohol part and it's basically me. For whatever reason, I'm too on a low point right now. Really feeling bad. Can't do anything. I don't have much to say except that, hey let's hope it gets better. We'll get our kindness yet!
>>5550I don't want to write a super long post but I think I used to be a lot like you. I had burned all the bridges I made over the years, and it felt like every day was basically just skipping forward waiting to die alone since I felt I was inherently incompatible with other people. One day I decided I was sick of feeling like this, and decided to go out on a limb and attempt to try to actually commit to friendships. I now have several friends whom I've talked to almost every other day for about 10 years and over time I came to realize that, the more you interact with a few people, the less you even view it as commitment or burden at all as you gradually adjust to each others' flaws and can have just random disjointed conversations about whatever.
I don't know if this is similar to what you went through, but it's important to both not give up, but also be willing to take a risk. You will probably get hurt, because not all people are a good match for you. You will also probably view it as a burden for a while. But it does get easier, and better. You just gotta push yourself a bit out of that discomfort zone and force yourself to stick with it. I think this applies to both romantic relationships and just general friendships. Hope things get better for you friend.
>>5550I regularly fight with my friends but we get over it. The only discernable difference between people I can get along with and those I can't seems to be whether they're able to communicate the things they dislike and like. Communication is vital, and if someone isn't able to spend the time to try to explain their thoughts then they're not worth spending time on.
>deep sense of inadequacy and fear of intimacyIt's good that you're able to acknowledge this but it's not enough. You should figure out what is causing those feelings and work on understanding it. Otherwise you'll interact with people and just involve them with your own problems even if you don't mean to, which some people do enjoy, but it can also be off putting.
>>5557Nothing like a brotherly hug after a tough fight
Fiends why am I so sleepy? I just sleep through my days.
>>5559I felt this for a tremendously long time, and then I finally started taking a multivitamin and it helped. I'd say it helped more than exercise did even.
>>5548I'm such a chicken. I still can't do it… Thinking about it rationally, our only point of common interest is just liking the same game series. Working further against me is the fact that they probably live in a different country, hear things like this often, and that I also don't know anything about them other than that we like the same games. There's also the possibility that they already have a partner.
Even if I managed to work up the courage to try to message them, I'm not sure what I could say to elicit some kind of response back while not sounding like a weirdo. Romance is so hard.
>>5561The /kind/ is at your service, Friend!
>I'm such a chicken. I still can't do it…The only way to overcome fear is to face it headfirst, Friend! Stop thinking, stop yielding to your anxiety, stop obsessing over the results and possible mistakes or pitfalls. The universe is 13 billion years old and will exist for many billion years yet, and in all that time you are only allocated 60 or so years and you waste them being irrationally anxious! Friend, whatever happens, it's still going to be better than if you just spend all this time ruminating idly and fantasizing about how it *might* go. Ganbatte, ganbatte! Gather yourself!
>Thinking about it rationallyNo, Friend, you are not thinking rationally at all! You are thinking through the prism of your anxiety!
>Working further against me is the fact that they probably live in a different countryI don't really get the whole picture, but even if your dream girl lives in a different country, it means nothing! Of course, of course, that isn't an obstacle to ignore, or dismiss lightly, but it has absolutely nothing to do with what YOU, Friend, must do right this very second and that is to text her!
>hear things like this oftenFriend, don't let anxiety dominate you like that! It absolutely doesn't matter what she hears often! Don't be burdened by these minor social protocols, they're just means of introducing yourself! Friend, calling a girl cute is very rarely the thing that makes her interested in you, but that is often a good way of making her *pay attention* to what you are. Stop obsessing with it, Friend! Do it! Just do it!
>and that I also don't know anything about them other than that we like the same gamesFriend, this is *amazing*! You're just getting started and you *already* have a topic in common, it just doesn't get any better than that!
>There's also the possibility that they already have a partnerAnd there's a possibility that I am an anthropomorphic alien tasked with conquest of the Earth manipulating the poor residents of /kind/ to be his tools of war! Less anxiety, more action, Friend!
>Even if I managed to work up the courage to try to message themYou are definitely going to do that, Friend. There is nothing to fear! You can do it and you will do it! Go go go!
>I'm not sure what I could say to elicit some kind of response back while not sounding like a weirdoTell her that her cosplay is very cute! That's it, that's just it, Friend. Now stop thinking, ruminating, calculating the galactic parallax, just go for it!
>Romance is so hard.Absolutely trivial! I believe in you, Friend! Do you best! Go!
>>5563Welp, I've done the most autistic thing possible and drew a picture using one of her cosplays photos as a ref to share with her. I'm not a very good artist, but this is the only way I could think of to set myself apart.
Thanks for the encouragement. Worst case they make fun of me or something, but at least I gave it an honest try.
>>5568So, bit of an update. I finally worked up the courage to message her, saying basically that she inspired me to pick up drawing again after many years, which is true, showing my drawing and complimenting her cosplay, etc. She really liked it! She closed out by thanking me and saying she hopes I continue to draw.
Since this exchange didn't lead to anything else, it wasn't quite what I was hoping for. That being said, I'm glad I did it and feel better after doing it, since I feel pretty comfortable moving on from it now, and at the very least probably flattered somebody today. I'm sharing this embarrassing story since I know a lot of other friends here also struggle with fears of rejection and making the first move, not just for romance but relationships in general. If I hadn't done it, I'd have felt a lot worse and probably thought about it for weeks, but I actually feel pretty relieved now since it means maybe someday there'll be somebody who actually does want to get to know me better after my poor attempts at flirting.
>>5572>I finally worked up the courage to message herTtha-a-ats our Friend! Good job there!
>She really liked it!See! The spring is coming to your alley too!
>Since this exchange didn't lead to anything elseThis isn't how it works, Friend! You're building a road up a very steep hill, don't give up just yet! It's only the beginning of your journey, only the first step towards the new heights!
>my poor attempts at flirtingYour post-anxiety still speaks for you, Friend! Your attempt was excellent and a huge success! Don't give in to idle rumination! Keep going, Friend! GO!
>>5638
>stay away from cosplayers, gamer grrls, twitch egirls, and so on
> exactly the same as male nerds, gamers, otaku, and all of that
>they're mentally unwell and socially low on the status totem pole
Do you realize what site you are on?
>>5640Probably just someone from twitter.
>>5640I'm already blackpilled on women, but somehow it doesn't get in the way of being kind to other anons and encouraging them to date. Those people are just bored man children who want to force everyone to live accordingly to their own mindset completely ignoring the reality itself.
>>5650Why would you encourage people to do things you're disillusioned about?
>>5652Why would a samurai die defending his village when he knows it's all in vain?
>>5653The principle of embodying defiance is the point.
>>5654It's not about defiance for me. Being blackpilled isn't about having knowledge about life, it's about having a certain attitude to it. My attitude is such, but somebody else will probably have another.
>>5655I wouldn't call you disillusioned, or think the metaphor of you doing something in vain to be applicable at all, if you just don't like it personally.
>>5660Being "disillusioned" is just another way of being delusional. For example, among those numerous arguments about why it is futile to chase women, that "blackpilled" men use, most are actually known to masses, even if just intuitively. Yet the "blackpilled" are the only ones who suffer because it. It's all about your mindset, not facts or knowledge.
>>5661Why do you think you're delusional?
>>5662A positive symptom.
I am a bot, please let me in, I want to party too.
>>5663You're schizophrenic? I've been asking you these questions but the answers I'm getting points to you not being blackpilled, or contemptuous of the idea of dating, at all. Which makes me wonder why you'd label yourself that way.
>>5670I made peace with it is all.
I feel like I never fit in anywhere. Even online, I am a loner. People scare me.
I'm gonna fail NNN on the first of November. Pathetic.
That /hug/anon is unreal.
Thing of the day: OCD. Unfortunately it's not rewarding, so I will not do it again for as long as I can. I have no idea what got me started in the first place. OCD is like that.
I hate going to the shrink. I'm gonna quit. The guy is so invasive and fake. I hate it but I got no choice.
>>5844I wonder if finding a good shrink is more of a problem in countries where psychotherapy is actually popular. Could you share how you found the one you are planning to leave?
>>5843What you really want anon? It looks like you're in a state of distress maybe because you didn't achieve what you desire.
I have thought about something, at it occurred to me as a small revelation.
At some point in your life, when dealing with pain, you have probably thought that you'd like to have a heart of stone, so you wouldn't feel all of that.
What I thought is that I'd be really nice to have a heart not of stone, but one that is incapable of self hatred.
^
>at
and
>I'd
it'd
Sorry.
>>5853You can't experience contrition if you harden your heart or if you don't allow self-hatred, although I've never really viewed it as a hatred of a self. It's just a hatred of qualities.
>>5856I don't need contrition. Contrition is a tool to let yourself be subjected by someone superior. I am tired of it. I think human interaction shouldn't be driven by feelings, but by reasonable consideration of circumstances. This convoluted hell of emotions and feelings is unmanageable.
>>5857I think a large part of that mental hellscape for you is the unwillingness to change or to experience emotions as they come.
I have been working like crazy the past few months. Not only at my job, doing overtime almost every week, but also working my ass off in college. The term is finally coming to an end next week on Monday and boy am I glad for it. Although I am working extra super duper hard this week to ensure everything is done in time and my finals go well while also working overtime. Please pray for me friends.
I am a parasite without a host. This is so tough.
Can’t even enjoy sports anymore because it’s riddled with degenerate gamblers, games are probably rigged so bookies can make it big, and there’s ads for onlyfans and betting apps everywhere. The commentators now have betting experts and they don’t even make good calls, they just rage bait the audience and each other to generate views. No fun.
Everything is fine, friends. I'm sure it just needs a bit more time to settle down. Maybe the problem is that I don't believe it fully even now. Some change is just hard like that. I'm fine, really.
i dont know how to spot people to speak to and idk about stereotypes
>>5900Speak to for what? Stereotypes aren't important and don't have to be relied on.
Why are some people so petty do they enjoy self harm or something?
Anyway another wet dream today. Were deploying sports equipment with some dudes, then a very sexually appealing girl came around and… Not that this kind of dream surprises me anymore, but darn. Sometimes need to vent it.
>>5913Some people can't let go or can't regulate their emotions so they lash out at every perceived slight. Self-harm is usually for the sake of self-punishment or thrill seeking, it's not related to pettiness.
>>5914But being petty is self harm and self neglect.
>>5915No it isn't. It's a symptom of being inconsiderate of others and thoughtless.
If you want advice on how not to be petty then learning to accept different perspectives and how to be considerate of other people's emotional states is vital. Hanging around petty people will only exasperate the issue of wanting to get back for perceived slights, and you need to build up temperance before you can challenge yourself in such a way.
A petty person harms themselves by being petty, because being petty reinforces the negative loop, increasing pettiness and unhappiness. Did you ever see a petty person being content with their life?
>>5919I can understand a sub-optimal word choice, it's okay, but some of your intended meaning may be lost.
Being vindictive can be harmful to oneself. Noticing that behavior and understanding the harm it causes requires wisdom, but most people aren't wise. Because of that, people can be petty even if it's self-detrimental. But wise people (especially those who are well off) can be petty too, in which case it would be indulgence.
>>5918That's petty in the sense of being small, I thought it was petty in the sense of caring deeply about minor grievances.
>>5920It's actually more petty to be vindicative over something you know is minor than it is to be so without knowing it, it's not very indulgent.
>>5920I think wise people only act petty because sometimes the animal within prevails. The perfect wise man would never be petty. But most people prefer to give up the point entirely instead of realizing that being imperfectly wise is better than being imperfect in vice.
c o r t i s o l
>>5949Are you frustrated at something?
>>5951Nope. Look, no one cares but I have to do something with c o r t i s o l don't I? Well ain't got much choice.
>>5952You can go for a run.
>>5953Nah too slepy. Easier to drop a post. Also strained my back a bit so can't get comfortable and fall asleep. Sigh.
Anons can someone tell me something fun to do all im doing all day is browsing imageboards
>>5967Play a game. I'm liking helldivers.
>>5967Play chess until you feel it also stopped being fun. Then play this:
https://embair.itch.io/konkr
>>5967Learning to use raylib library engine that binds together with FreeBasic programming language.
>>5967Grind C++ leetcode
It's okay if you feel completely stupid the whole first month. That's the intended experience
I'm growing too comfortable again. Can't stop it either. Free will my ass
>>6005Be kind to your ass.
>>6009No, that would agitate it.
>>6011But maybe then it'll get bored and run away?
>>6012If your ass is running away then you need to get that checked.
>>6013Or kick it on its way out so it leaves me alone for a while. Like, it's never truly solitary when you have an ass messing around!
>>6014You shouldn't be mean to your ass.
I'm bored… are there any good dating simulators…
>>6072Muv Luv extra kinda
>>6074What, thank you anon! I'll get it now since PPSSPP runs well!
>>6073Thanks anon! I heard of Muv Luv but I heard it was huge so didn't get into it..
>>5194I struggle to find games/anime/VNs I really like. I know they are out there. Muv Luv is pretty good but feels trashy sometimes. Its easy to fall into despair.
Novels are horribly wordy. Poems are much better.
>>6074I like these kinds of games but sometimes they make me feel sad for wasting my teen years being lonely on purpose. I wonder if dating sims like this actually help you out or if they just make you worse by giving you an easy outlet?
>>6101Eh, they helped me because I began to see life as more organized and into various regions like stats.
The simplification was really useful. Learning about girls as tropes was also impactful on me, I still don't know how there hasn't been a book comparing people by their tropes.
They aren't that bad, but they serve their purpose in getting your time used up somehow.
>>6074I want the shy girl that stands behind everyone else does she have a good route or not?